WORKPLACE GASLIGHTING EXAMPLES THAT NEED TO STOP
This blog comes with a warning. We’re talking about gaslighting in the workplace, which may trigger less-than-pleasant thoughts and feelings.
In case you don't know, gaslighting is a form of harassment. It's when someone manipulates another person into questioning their thoughts and feelings. It happens in all relationships - at home and at work. In a recent poll, 58% of respondents said they had experienced gaslighting in the workplace. This isn’t surprising considering the power dynamics in our uber-competitive, outcome-driven society.
Craig Malkin, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of Rethinking Narcissism, shares: “It [Gaslighting] requires a position of power to pull it off with impact and effectiveness. The person bolsters their own sense of self-confidence and self-esteem by undermining yours.”
Sadly, gaslighting isn’t just a top-down dynamic. Often, it happens among colleagues.
Gaslighting isn't always easy to spot. When it happens, and we question ourselves, we're gaslighting (denying) ourselves. Crazy stuff, henh?
So, here are three examples of gaslighting behaviours that negatively impact performance and potential at work:
A colleague or employee shares an idea with you. In response, you express interest and enthusiasm. When they are out of sight or in earshot, you dismiss the idea and even talk badly about it to others. You may think there’s no negative consequence since the ‘others’ join in on your gossip, but they’re paying attention. At best, they’ll withhold ideas from you that could propel your success. At worst, they’ll tell everyone about your toxic, malicious ways. Either way, it’s negatively impacting your potential.
In this case, relationship skills are desperately needed.
You and your colleagues/employees agree on how to resolve a problem. The vision and mission are clear. Each takes responsibility for their part and gets to work. Later, when the problem is still not solved, the others are blamed for the lack of resolution and failure. Do misunderstandings happen? Of course, they do. Does this mean you get to blame others? No. Misunderstandings are a two-way street. If they misunderstood, likely, you weren’t clear. And failure is simply an opportunity to find the bugs in the system.
In this case, better communication skills are required.
You intentionally keep someone out of the loop – either withholding information or ‘forgetting’ to include them in a meeting. When they confront you about your oversight, you dismiss them - considering them ‘too sensitive or over-reactive.’ Ask yourself what the benefits of this behaviour might be. Are you afraid they’ll outperform you or shed light on your mistakes? Withholding information or excluding someone is manipulative, wastes resources and negatively impacts the whole team and organization.
In this case, emotional regulation is critical.
I’m willing to bet you’ve experienced this at some point in your life – you’ve either been the gaslighter or been gaslit. Both ends feel icky and require mending.
There are several ways to move through your gaslighting experience. If you’re ready to address it, let’s talk and get you back into optimal performance mode.
Schedule a no-strings-attached-discovery call.
